im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
