Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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