you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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