i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
