Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
