if i can run in heels then i can drive
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize