I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
