Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize