He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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