Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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