Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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