OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
