Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
