i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
