you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
