when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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