I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
