Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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