I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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