Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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