What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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