You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
