Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
