what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
