Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
