I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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