I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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