No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize