my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize