it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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