I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
