WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
