I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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