Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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