You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
