Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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