i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
