I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
