You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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