Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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