My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
