i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
