So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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