On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize