Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
