evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
