im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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