the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
