Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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