there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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