I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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