remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
