Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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