Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
