I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
