my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
