tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
