He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
