I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize