If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
