I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
