I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
