I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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