I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
