the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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