we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
